I figure it's time to make a new public post about my "friends-only" policy for this LiveJournal. The first one was rather angry, in response to the ongoing problems I've experienced with stalkers and prying enemies, but I don't really need to be so angry in my statement of How Things Are Around Here.

Thus, this new post. As you can see, my journal is mostly friends only. I intend to leave a post open, here and there, a post with no real information about my private life, so that potential new friends may have something to go on while considering whether or not to try me out as a friend. The calendar at right only shows my public posts. If you are on my friends list, you'll be able to see that I post every single day--sometimes more than once, in a day! I write constantly, so keep that in mind when you consider me for your friends list! (~-^)

My rules concerning new friends still stand:

1. If you are the friend of an existing LJ friend, and your name appears on their mutual friends list, simply add me to your own friends list and I'll add you back, no questions asked. (Unless you are one of the three people who will never be added to my friends list, even if you somehow make it onto the friends page of one of my good friends--and you three know who you are. Don't even try it.)

2. If you are a friend of mine who has previously not had a LJ account and now have one, just add me and let me know via email or AIM that you've added me and what your username is. Unless it's obvious to me who you are (your username is the same as your real name, for instance), I might not be able to figure it out, just from small clues. I know a lot of people, some of whom have similar hobbies or interests or ways of saying certain things. Please to be helping me out by giving me your identity. ;P

3. If you are a fan of my comics or writing or music, and we have not previously exchanged words (i.e., I don't know who you are), just send me an email at kaisatake at gmail dot com and introduce yourself and let me know your LJ username. Even if we have spoken, before, it would be a good idea to remind me how I know you, because I'm prone to forgetting the names of those I don't speak to on a regular basis. You don't have to tell me your life story or claim excessive adoration of me or my work or anything other than who you are and what led you to my LJ, which should explain why you want to read it.

4. Friends who don't have LJ accounts and don't want them can read my friends-only posts through a special account I have set up just for them. I've already given most of you the info you need for it, but if you've lost it or didn't get it before and want it now, just let me know and I'll email the username and password to you.

Again, I'm not trying to be exclusive and shut anyone out--other than those three stalking people who know who they are. I'm only trying to protect my privacy and my heart and stop nasty people from being able to use me for their perverted amusements and hateful vindictiveness. New friends are welcome; old enemies are not.

Well...this is nice to know. Especially after being around some people who insisted I was "uptight" because I didn't particularly think what they were into was right for me. Shnitwits. ;P

Your Bedroom Personality: Healthy

In the bedroom, you are open, honest, and giving. You are the ideal partner in many ways! Anyone is lucky to be with you. You see physical intimacy as an opportunity to grow and connect. You are up for experimentation, but you don't require it.

And wowsa of wowsas, this one came out of left field, for me! I did not expect this, at all.

Your result for The Camelot Test...

Lancelot

Take The Camelot Test at HelloQuizzy

Link to my result, for my own records!

Swiped from revcardboardbox. And I must say, HA! Han Solo, indeed.

...Actually, yeah. I can see that. ;P Thank God Kimi is as independent as I am. I don't think I could deal with a clingy type. In fact, I never have been able to deal with a woman who needs me TOO much, and who can't get through the day without reassurance that I'll still be there in an hour, and that I still find her attractive five minutes after I've already told her she's beautiful. TRUST me a little, okay?! I like to be needed, but not suffocated and definitely not chained. I don't like a lady who wants to control me or who constantly tries to out-do me or be smarter or better than me. Nope, I like 'em independent, strong-willed, tough, intelligent, confident, adventurous, and caring-but-not-mothering. Even a little bit hot-blooded, but not in a slutty way. In an "I'll kick your ass in a New York minute" way. Miss Kimi fits that bill, perfectly. I am blessed, yessiree! <3

Strangely enough, I have only been deeply emotionally attached to two such women, and Kimi is one of them. (The other one is on my friends list, but she doesn't talk to me much, these days. AND I MISS HER. *hinthinthint* ;P ) ALL of my other serious/intimate female interests have been, to some degree, manipulative, needy and on the edge of psychic vampirism. Some didn't even seem to have personalities and interests of their own, but instead, tried to emulate everything I did, or that their girlfriends did (or that their pre- and post-Kai boyfriends did). I think that results from a distinct lack of imagination and a general fear of independent thought. Sad that I've known so many like that, and sad that I couldn't do much to help them over it. Maybe I hung with them because, on some level, I thought I could help them over it. But most of them don't even see it as a problem, and I'm sure as hell not going to be "daddy" to a grown woman. I want an equal partner; not a child.

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Free Agent

Take The Attachment Style Test at HelloQuizzy

Zero humility?! hahahahaha!

Your result for The Best Thing About You Test...

Honesty

Take The Best Thing About You Test at HelloQuizzy

Link to my result, so I can find it again, later

Ha! All I needed was to fall asleep while thinking about the sequel to Rustler's Roundup! I woke up with not only a title for it, but a direction for it, as well as several scenes. Woohoo! \(^o^)/

Anyway, the working title is Desperado Dawn, as this is the book where Joshua takes the fatal step that leads him over the cliff and lands him so deep into the outlaw life that he can't get back out. And it's all because of Jenny's vengefulness. I knew she'd be a great character, even though I really want to throttle her. ;P She has just gone on to get nastier and nastier, as the story progresses. It's kind of hard to believe that someone so pretty could be so ugly!

Here's the tagline that I have for it, so far:

Young outlaw Joshua Love tries to leave the desperado life behind, but his former lover, vengeful Jenny Sue Carter, means to keep him on the run--or see him die.

I'm going to wait another day to start trying to write out the scenes in my head. I want them to percolate a bit. Maybe they'll spawn some others, while they're bubbling in my mind, and I can get a good start on the book, this weekend! I'll need to, since Thursday's installment is the final chapter for Rustler's Roundup. I will need fresh story for next week! I'll also need to make a piece of art for it, though that's much lower on the priority pole than writing actual story.

I also made a "Where do I go from here?" page on the Outlaw Starr site, so that new readers will have some guidance on where to start reading. That page is here, if anyone wants to check it out. I'm hoping it will be helpful in keeping more of my visitors on the site. I think it will, as I've received one email already asking me where the best place is to begin. I like to try and have my page navigation laid out so as to make things as easy as possible for the reader, and give them a way to get anywhere, from anywhere on the site, without having to use the back button or hunt around for links. I hate having to fumble around on other people's websites, and decided a long time ago that I wouldn't do that to my visitors, if I could help it.

Outlaw Starr now has a MySpace page. I don't know if it will help me increase my traffic any, but at least now I can say I have one for the writing site. ;P

I've already given it a custom theme to kind of match the Outlaw Starr story page. Come on over and add it to your friends list, if you have a MySpace! Here's the link, again:

Outlaw Starr on MySpace

I actually got lucky and got myspace.com/outlawstarr as my URL!

I also have a facebook page, now, but I think I may delete it. It doesn't look useful, to me. Here's the link to that, if anyone has a facebook and wants to add me on there.

Kai's facebook page.

If nobody I know has one, though, I will delete mine.

<3 I just got off the phone. The lovely and extremely talented Miss Kimi just sang for me, for fifteen solid minutes. <3<3<3

Have I mentioned, lately, how much I love her, and how truly blessed I am to have her love? If I haven't, then I must mention it, now. I never thought I would ever be loved like this, but I'm sure glad that I am. I wish this kind of love for everyone!

*sighs o' happy love*

Well, this one is good. I love snakes. I was disappointed that I couldn't keep the baby garden snake that I caught in the house, the other day. ;P Though, I think this really should have been named "Which Reptile Are You?" instead of "What Reptile Are You?" I also fixed their mistake and changed "ambitious" to "ambition," in the next to last line. I can't help it. I'm anal, like that. ;P

You Are a Snake

You have extraordinarily sharp senses. You sense what's going on almost before it happens. You connect with the world. People instantly feel close to you. You are a natural protector. You take good care of your friends. You are an ambitious person. Your ambition drives you. But while you are ambitious, you are also humble. You are thankful for everything you have.

I guess this one is pretty accurate, for me! Especially the part about how my best life possible doesn't really involve many other people. Yep, I'm a loner, all right!

What the House Test Says About You

You consider yourself important, but no more important than anyone else. You love attention, but you don't feel like you deserve more of it than anyone else. You can't stand community oriented people and annoying "buy local" campaigns. You prefer to live the best life possible, and that doesn't really involve many other people. You are a calm, contemplative, and smart person. You take ideas very seriously. You take good care of your physical appearance. You dress well, stay in shape, and do your best to look great. You are moved by the most simple of things. You can find pleasure from a small, perfect moment.

Heee! I found this quiz, today, and had to take it. I was kinda hoping for Doc Holliday, but I couldn't make myself choose "agree" for having been a dentist. I am, however, reportedly charming and well-liked among ladies. *preens for the hell of it* ;P The only thing I found disturbing about it was the fact that crazy Johnny Ringo is so high on my list. (O.o)

What Wild West legend were you in a past life? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Billy the Kid You are Billy the Kid, one of the most infamous outlaws of all time. You were a gunslingin', cattle stealin', charming folkhero whose popularity was enormous despite being a criminal. Billy the Kid 70% Johnny Ringo 60% Doc Holliday 55% Jesse James 45% Wild Bill Hickok 25% Pat Garrett 20% Wyatt Earp 5% Tom Horn 5%

And yes, I can't help it. I fixed the errors in their results text. I am anal about that. ;P They even spelled Doc's last name incorrectly.

Swiped from thewlisian_afer's journal:

135 As a 1930s husband, I am Very Superior Take the test!

Heh. It didn't seem so hard to get this kind of score. Most of this stuff I already do well, and I'm not even living with Kimi, full time. I'm very good with kids and have no trouble getting them to behave without smacking them or yelling. I don't have many of the bad habits, either. Leave my shoes in the living room?! Who does that?! I certainly don't. It would be a pretty sad kind of guy who couldn't get a good score on this quiz. ;P

I guess I'm doing something right, on the story site, as I've gotten a bunch of new comments in the shoutbox about Joshua and Jenny. It seems readers regard Jenny just as I hoped they would. She's based on a number of girls I have known, so it's good to know I have nailed her personality!

She's unusual for a leading female character in a Western. Most of them are drawn as saints, or as whores-with-a-heart-of-gold, or as tough gunslingers that men fear. They're often portrayed as either being in constant peril and need of rescue, or they're written as if they were men with boobs. I don't like characters who are always frail or always strong. I like characters--including female ones--who are seriously flawed. Jenny and Joshua and all the other characters in my stories are seriously flawed people. Some of them are nice or likable people, but they are in some way defective as human beings. That's why I don't have to work too hard at formulating plots for them. Their very interactions will blossom into better and more complicated plots than I could ever cook up for them! Jenny is, indeed, a bitch. But while she is manipulative, selfish and ruthless, she is also vulnerable, needy and determined to do what she ultimately can't do. On some level, she probably does love Joshua, but it's hard to see that, from the way she plots and schemes and tries to manipulate him.

Anyway, here are a few of the latest comments:

1 Jun 08, 02:26
Elina: I miss Joshua! I can't wait for the next update! :D
1 Jun 08, 23:09
Kai Starr: Hey, Elina! You're in luck! Josh is back in great quantities, today. (^-^)
2 Jun 08, 02:38
Kenny Driggs: Nice work. I like that your westerns have an edge to them but are not over the top with the language. Good solid storytellng gets me every time. Good on ya Kai!
2 Jun 08, 06:29
TeddiBear: Oh poor Joshua. I hate Jenny!! :(
2 Jun 08, 08:27
wootster: haha I hate Jenny too shes a bitch
3 Jun 08, 01:33
Dolly: YAY YOUR BACK!!!!! I need my Joshua fix.I'm yeppers on Jenny too she's a BAD GIRL!!
3 Jun 08, 03:38
roybal: Why didn't Josh get to spank Jenny? He will sometime right? PLEASE?? I want a spanking jenny scene please!

I don't think I'm going to have a spanking Jenny scene, in spite of that last request. Having that scene would not only cause a big disruption in the plot, but it would put something in Joshua's personality that isn't naturally there. He may fantasize about spanking her, but he wouldn't actually do it. He'd feel bad about it, afterward, if he did do it. It would draw out their relationship and get in the way of him becoming who he needs to become for the later stories. So, sadly, roybal will have to do without the spanking scene, much as I might personally like to write it. ;P

A meme snagged from revcardboardbox. Go to this page and select five quotes that reflect you, then post them as the meme.

Here are my five:

"He loved humankind dearly and with all his heart, but he disliked most human beings." David Guterson, Snow Falling on Cedars

"In battling evil, excess is good; for he who is moderate in announcing the truth is presenting half-truth. He conceals the other half out of fear of the people's wrath." Kahlil Gibran (1883 - 1931), 'Narcotics and Dissecting Knives,' Thoughts and Meditations, 1960

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973)

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else." Booker T. Washington (1856 - 1915)

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it." Voltaire (1694 - 1778)

I've been thinking about what to do with my ranch, besides just having a bunch of petting horses on it. Not that having a bunch of petting horses would be a bad thing for me, but it would be a shame to have a lot of land and not really use it. So...since I like goats almost as much as I like horses, I think it would be a good idea to raise some angoras. There's still a decent market for good mohair, and the angora goats are lovely to look at, as well as being characteristically more docile than other goat breeds.

This nifty buck is a great example of their exotic and magical look. Check out those fabulous horns!



Goats are fun, too, because they're frisky, friendly, and love to climb and jump. I would have hours and hours of entertainment, just watching them play! Outside of feeding and keeping them healthy with regular vet care, they also don't require much maintenance. They're sheared twice a year, and I could get around the extra trouble of keeping a bunch of more-aggressive bucks by using a stud service to breed my sweet little does. The rams also scent their areas, and it is not a pleasant smell for human noses. (O.o) The only adult males I'd keep would be wethers, as they don't put out that terrible smell and are more docile than billy goats. The Texas range land is also perfectly suited to the grazing habits of angoras, and the breeding association has been based here since 1900!

Then I could put that pretty leopard Appaloosa gelding to use herding my goats, since he allegedly likes rounding up goats! I think that would also be enjoyable for me. Here's Endi's pic, again, just because:



Then, I think, I might also like to have a garden and grow a bunch of heritage vegetables, just to be different. *sigh* Yeah, I can see a whole different kind of life, for myself. Get away from these stinking, nasty, inconsiderate, harrassing neighbors whose homes are within easy spitting distance of ours, and put some acreage between me and the next guy. Have some space to get outdoors and work and enjoy myself, without anyone bothering me or staring at me as if I'm a freak. Do some fulfilling physical work with animals and plants, so that I get myself away from this damned computer and out in the fresh air, more often. I think that lifestyle would actually make me more productive with my writing, because a healthy body supports a healthy mind. I can't get healthy living in this rotten, smoke-filled, unhealthy suburb. I was getting stronger and healthier at my dad's ranch, because I could get out and walk, ride a bike, run with the horses, breathe clean air and eat fresh fruits and veggies from the garden. And outside of his bouts of total ugliness, I could relax, there. I slept all night, there, and I have been a life-long insomniac. Most likely, I slept because of the quiet, with the only sounds being the natural ones of grasshoppers, crickets, frogs and birds, and the silk-rustle of leaves dancing in the wind. If it had not been for my dad's mean-spirited actions, I'd have been in heaven, on that ranch, and I'd have stayed and helped him do the work for as long as he wanted me to. But it was just not meant to be.

The quiet "alone" time I had walking or biking around the property is something I desperately need, too, and something I almost never get, here. Regardless of how chatty I may seem in these posts or in AIM or in other online communities, I'm not a social person, in real life. I hardly ever speak, unless I really have something to say or someone gets me onto a topic that I know a lot about or feel strongly about--which frustrates a lot of people and causes some of them to declare me "opinionated," because they generally don't get the full range of my very diverse views. They get my input on things that make me angry, and they judge me by that, alone. Unlike most people, I don't seek out other human beings for socializing and I am quickly and easily annoyed by people, if I haven't got a convenient method of escaping them, when I want or need to. I do not get lonely, the way most people do, either. I'm truly a loner, inside, and I can be just fine, all by myself.

But animals...I can be around animals all day long and never get tired of them. Animals don't judge me or expect me to be chatty or engage in the often fake and insincere behavior that many people engage in. There is no grey area with animals. They either love you, or they don't. If you care for them properly, treat them well and show them affection and kindness and patience, they will always be steady in their interactions with you. Not so with people. A lot of people will react to those same conditions with indifference, or worse, with scorn. Those people will try to hurt or take advantage of you, in any way they can, and then act as if you asked for it, by being "too nice." Some people will lie, cheat, use, and stab you in the back, regardless of how good you have been to them. Animals don't do that, and people shouldn't. But people do, and that's why I generally prefer the company of animals. There are exceptions, of course. Anyone who is reading this journal and is on my friends list is an exception. If you're not reading it, why are you on my friends list? ;P

My, but this post turned into a big, wallowing mess, didn't it? (~o^) Oh, I got about 1,200 words done for Rustler's Roundup, yesterday, but I'm not ready to post it, yet. I'll wait until I have the next scene, because I'm not entirely sure I like this last one.

*sigh* Apparently, it's going to be another one of those days. I wish I could just go back to bed and pretend I don't have to be up, at all. (-.-)

Since I don't feel like going into detail on the current crisis in my life, I'll talk, instead, about writing, and how our earliest influences can crop up, many years later, seemingly out of nowhere.

My sudden realization of such an influence came to me with my Western outlaw character, Joshua Love. Of course, Rustler's Roundup is his first story, in which he is sixteen years old, but it's not the first story I wrote with him in it. He first showed up about halfway through Whirlwind, which was my first (and as yet unfinished) attempt at the Western genre, and he's twenty-two years old, there. A very different person than he was six years earlier--a much more accomplished gunman, a whole lot nastier, and far crazier than I'd ever have imagined him, had I known him first as a sixteen-year-old boy. I didn't know much about him, when I was writing Whirlwind, and he was not the primary character in that story, but I'd barely gotten started with the parts he was in, before it became apparent that he was going to be another one of those people (like Genjiro, from ShadowFall) who burst into my head and just took over the storytelling direction. He certainly did that.

In that first story, I didn't know where he came from. I couldn't think of a single other fictional character who resembled him enough that I could say to myself, "Ah! That's the one who sparked Josh in my head." And to a great extent, for his older personality, I still can't.

However, in writing him as a sixteen year old--who is still a long way from becoming the notorious desperado and whore chaser that he is in Whirlwind--some things start to stand out, to me, a few of which disappear from his personality by the time he's twenty-two. The main thing among them is his squint. When he's mad or suspicious or feeling some other unsavory emotion, he squints his right eye, and the degree to which his eye squints (and his nose scrunches up with it) depends on how mad or suspicious or skeptical he is. He stops doing that, by the time he's nineteen (though he still squints when mad, he does so with both eyes, at the older stage), but the one-eyed squint is very pronounced, when he's sixteen. It occurred to me that only one other Western character I have seen shares that squint with him, and of all people, it's Festus Haggen, from the Gunsmoke TV series.

I almost fell over from laughing, when I realized that my crazy little outlaw may have gotten a lot of his personality quirks from Festus. The two characters are 180 degrees from one another, as far as their backgrounds and occupations go (and Joshua doesn't have a lick of Festus' famous aversion to work), but they do share a lot of traits. Both are illiterate. Both seem to have total disregard for their own appearance (but both are willing to clean up real purty for a female's attention). Both have heavy drawls and silly ways of saying things. Both are funny without meaning to be. Both are often underestimated by their friends and others. Both are fun people to be around. Both have hot tempers. Both have a distaste for "uppity" people. And of course, there's the squint. Festus also squinted his right eye, though he didn't do that in the earliest shows.

The amazing thing to me is that I have not watched an episode of Gunsmoke since the early 70s, when I was a kid. But I do recall Festus being my favorite character, and mainly because of those weird little personality quirks that he shares with Joshua. He was definitely not a stock character, and to me, he was always the most interesting person on the show. I didn't like the episodes that didn't have lots of Festus in them! (Odd trivia fact: Festus' character was introduced into the show in the same year that I was born! ;P ) Those little traits stuck with me, all this time, until I finally had a character who could legitimately bear them. It makes me wonder how far back the influences for some of my other characters go, and whether or not it will ever occur to me who they are.

I watched an awful lot of varied stuff on TV, when I was a kid, and I read a lot. But I didn't read a lot of novels, until I was twelve or so. Before that, I read mostly science books and other types of nonfiction, newspaper comics, a few novels and some shorter stories. Most of my fiction, at that stage, came from TV and movies, and as a little kid, I was a huge fan of the Western serials that played in reruns, here. At the time, the Dallas area had an entire TV station, channel 39, a UHF station, that was devoted to cowboy pictures. I had my favorites, of course, and my favorite of favorites was Rawhide, which I watched, religiously. It and Gunsmoke had the best stories of all the Western serials, stories meant for adults, and I knew that, even as a kid. I haven't seen any of those shows in ages and ages, at least since the 70s, when channel 39 started easing off of their all-Western, all-the-time format. They are now a Spanish-language station, and there are surprisingly few Westerns of any kind to be found on Dallas TV...which is a shame, considering the roles Texas and Texans played in the birth of the real Old West.

I'm tempted to hunt down some DVDs of my favorite old Western serials, just to see if I can spot the origins of some of my other characters. I'd be willing to bet that I could. ;P

Festus and his squinty smirk:

Ugh, my sleep schedule is allllllll kinds of messed up! I went to bed on Tuesday at around 2 p.m. and woke up, again, a little before 10 p.m. I feel so freakin' weird! I have to get out of this vampire mode, because I have new work coming up this month, and it ain't gonna fit this sleeping pattern I'm in!

Oh, as a side note, you can now reach my writing site by typing in www.outlawstarr.com! I've seen a few people in my access logs who got to the site by searching for "Outlaw Starr" on google, so I thought I'd better nab that other domain name while I could, and make it easy on those who can remember the site name but not my name. ;P

On another side note, my pal Joshua Wentz of Sidedown made this nifty graphic for the RPM Challenge Jukebox! I participated in the challenge for the second time, this year, and you can hear not only my two albums' worth of music on the really cool jukebox, but you can hear over 8,000 other tracks by RPM artists! Click the image to check it out!



My latest tracks are on my own site, as well. Just go to Kai's Jukebox to hear them, any time!

Well, I'm all buzzed about the nice comments I've received on this year's album. Everytime I get over the buzz from one, I get another one, and it's just keeping me in this nigh-perpetual state of ego intoxication. ;P

So, in order to keep that ego high going, I thought I'd share a few of those nice comments with you guys. Pardon me, while I preen a bit. Just ignore this post, if you think you'll be annoyed by my chest-puffing silliness. (^-^)

Have I told you today that I hate you for your ability? (joke! joke!).

I have listened to "down on the brazos" probably a dozen times today. Im going to pick up a guitar later and try to figure it out. Even have my wife singing it too. Dang your song writing ability!

Can you actually sing that well that high, or is that run through some sort of processor? It sounds too clean to be processed, but dang! Particulary the second chorus... lots of power up that high in the range. If we end up learning it, it will probably end up being sung in two part harmony, as there is just no way for me to get my voice that far up without a groin injury recently inflicted.

...And is there a place I can download it as an mp3 or trade CD's with you? I really dig your tracks for Raw. I suspect my parents will be into it as well...

Thanks for singing! I listened through your rpmsampler, your music puts this huge grin on my face. I like it :)

Nice demos! Really nice tunes.

I loved your stuff and I followed you along through RPM 2008.

Everything sounds GREAT!!! And you didn't think you could do RPM 2008...we are all so glad you did and we knew you could! I really like "Nobody Home"!

Your stuff is very cool. I love the vibe and the production values. Very cool.

cool tuneage...liked your songs...great feeling and emotion!

Dammit. Your "bad" songs are better than my good ones!!! You got talent!

Okay. That's enough for now. Not too shabby for an album that was done in four days. *whistles, licks his finger and sticks it to his own butt, just to hear the mega-sizzle* ;P

Seriously, these people have made me doubt my reality. This is NOT the kind of thing I grew up hearing at home, so when I hear it, now, it's a little hard for me to take. Part of me gets all excited and wants to believe I've got some kind of worth as an artist, yet there's that abused little boy inside me who thinks, "Oh no...they're going to listen more closely, later on, and realize that I SUCK, and then they'll hate me."

Yeah, my head is ALL messed up. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Pop. Thanks to all the others who contributed to it, wittingly or unwittingly. You all screwed me up inside, but at the same time, you pushed me far enough into myself that I could find all these talents and live in a world you can't even imagine. So the thanks are not sarcasm. They're genuine. It's made my life extremely difficult, made my dealings with other people extremely difficult, and given me a shitload of hellatious pain, but beauty can be born out of ugliness, and it can flourish in spite of it. You just have to want it to, and GOD, do I want it to. I'm stubborn like that. ;P

I had to do this meme, again, with my full name, because gardener_druid got more answers in his results than I did in my first one. I has the jealousy well-sated, now. ;P

What Kaichi Satake Means

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

Oddly enough, I put in "Kai Starr" and got almost the exact same result, with this one major difference:

"You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun."

That was true, VERY TRUE, in the days when I was in rock bands and using that name all the time! I have calmed down a lot, these days, but that person still lurks inside me and makes overly dramatic appearances, from time to time. ;P

Oof. I'm soooooooo tired. They worked us, silly, on Wednesday, and then sent us home two minutes early. Two minutes!!! I really don't see the point in that. It does nothing to benefit us, and nothing to benefit them. It makes no sense to me. Heh...but I guess I should just give up trying to understand the managerial mind. It's not possible. I don't think even they understand why they do things, sometimes.

I don't care about any of that, now, anyway. Since I've been home, I've been steadily losing myself in the world as it was in 1876. It's difficult to come back out of that, after so intently burying myself in the minutiae that will help to ground my story and my characters in their reality!

Part of me wishes I could have a time machine, so that I could go and visit all these places and experience them, first hand, rather than trying to piece them together from scraps of information, faded old photographs and bits of my own memory of faintly similar surroundings. I've never been to the great plains of southeastern Wyoming, but I've been to the dry, grassy plains of west Texas. I've lived in the low California desert, under the shadow of rusted-iron mountains. I've seen the stars, too numerous to count, unhindered by the glare of the twenty-first century. I've been sung to sleep by the howls of coyotes and the wails of owls and the wing murmurs and shrieks of brown bats in pursuit of their nightly feasts. I've stood in the empty basin of earth, felt the loneliness and the vastness and the terrifying freedom of the endless table of open range land. I've been assaulted by the untamed winds that have no fear of being broken and subdued by a forest of gentling trees. I've watched the gods exchange a fusillade of thunderbolts at one another in a magnificent battle for the sky. I've seen electric fire dance on the points of a longhorn steer. I've seen the dark, hairy lump of a small herd of buffalo running through sun-faded grass and swimming across a small lake. I've ridden a horse, bareback, at a full gallop, when I was barely out of diapers.

I know what it's like to fight a perpetual battle with the lords of dust, and always come out on the losing side. I know how it feels to watch a storm of sand rip through a dry valley, or see the earth sculpt itself anew when a flash flood rages down from the toothy, dead mountains. I know what it's like to marvel at a mischievous dust devil, and to watch the twisting tail of a cyclone shove its way out of the clouds, bringing with it the worry of will it hit our home, this time? I know what it's like to be sick, deathly sick, from natural heat greater than the human body was built to withstand. I know what it's like to have to use an outhouse in the hell-freeze of winter and in the hell-fire of summer. I know what it's like to do without, and still make do.

I have first-hand knowledge of some of the things my characters would have known, 131 years ago, but it's only a small chunk of shared experience. I can't, for instance, tell you how the steak tasted in the restaurant at the Railroad Hotel, or how the linens smelled in the upscale Inter-Ocean. I can't relate to you how women took care of their "unmentionable" needs, or how it would feel to be crammed like so many sardines into a stagecoach with a bunch of strangers, most of whom are armed to the ears, and yet feel more fear of road agents or Indian attacks than of being accidentally shot and maimed by a fellow traveler. I can't talk about how the soul of the world felt, when it was over a century younger than it is, now.

I'll just have to trust that the information I study, the photographs I pore over, the music I absorb, and the few first-hand accounts of the places I'm concerned with can be combined with my imaginative powers to create something relatively lifelike, a world that never really was, but perhaps, could have been. I would like for my people to feel at home, and for that home to be as solid for their visitors from the future as their own worlds are.

And now, after all this useless babbling, I'm going back to work. I still have a lot of reality to build.

Oh, I forgot I wanted to add this nifty pic I found of Cheyenne, Wyoming Territory, from 1876, the very year of my story! I was so excited to find it!! I'd love to be able to step into that picture and walk around for a few hours, and truly taste the world as it was at that very moment.